Monday, January 19, 2015

Feeling Inadequacy

     Over the last year I have been working toward a closer relationship with God and I believe through this time of gaining more control of areas in my life that Satan has come in and really pressed down hard on me. We all have a weakness whether it be feeling inadequate, a secret addiction, you may be a control freak, a worrier, I could go on but I know you get the picture. Mine is most definitely feeling inadequate! Wow! I've never written that out loud, or confessed it really! Maybe this is an effective way to help conquer this feeling......This inadequacy has hindered me so much in life to the point I would think it all the time. I felt like I saw all these women who had their lives on the straight and narrow not only with God but their marriage, children, their homes and more. I always knew I was a good mother to my daughters but there would be days where I would have other daily pressures of financial stress, the house, family members and so forth where it would cause me to snap. I would yell or say something I didn't mean in the heat of the moment and then here it was again.....you are not adequate! The looks on my daughter's face and I knew I had hit that part of her heart where it stung. I immediately stop and grab her and apologize and say "mommy is just having a hard day, I am so very sorry for reacting that way." She always kisses me and says "it's ok mommy, we all have bad days. I love you!" How does my 6 year old have better control and understanding with me than I do?  She is so forgiving and showers me with love no matter what. First, I had to learn to understand how God sees me. Then, when thoughts of inadequacy came, I would cling to His accurate assessment rather than my faulty views of myself.  He showers me with His grace and love every single day and says to me "It's ok, we all have bad days. I love you!" Much like Him, my daughter doesn't see my inadequacy or my fears. She just sees me as her mama, the most fun doll talker, baker and friend.
     I am so very thankful my God sees the good in me and shows me daily I am not inadequate. I will continue to stomp down Satan if he tries to make these feelings arise in me by continuing to pray and take each day as it comes. I pray if you ever feel inadequate that you will remember Eph. 2:10 
For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them.
     We are each specifically and uniquely designed by God for His purpose. Many of those differences that we use to compare ourselves to and feel discouraged by are the very qualities that God "programmed" into us to bring Him glory.

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